Un-Woo-Woo-ing the Chakras

Why I swore off the "chakra gurus" and took my own path.

If you are interested in learning more about YOUR chakras

Storytime

Buckle your seatbelt. This one is a bit off the norm for me. I’m gonna channel Megan Lee and offer my own version of a Shame Sandwich for you today.

I’m a self-proclaimed “chakra expert,” and today, I’m admitting something I’ve been ashamed to say out loud until now:

I have never read a single chakra or aura book from cover to cover.
Not one.

I pick them up, skim a few paragraphs, maybe skip ahead, scan a bit more, and then toss them back on the shelf with an eyeroll🙄. Every time.

It’s because I think they’re all full of crap. Yup. I said it.

These books—the “esoteric guides” written by people famous for their supposed spiritual wisdom—make my job harder. Much harder.

For years, my disdain was tangled with jealousy. Seeing their names in bright lights, their books selling like hotcakes, while I was over here struggling to get people to even consider a more grounded, realistic approach to chakras? Yeah, it stung.

But now, that green-eyed monster has morphed into fiery frustration. These so-called experts have been making everything unnecessarily complex and leaving out so much of the picture. It’s misleading, and honestly, it pisses me off.

They wrap everything up in complex terminology and archaic concepts, quoting ancient scriptures like the average person should just…know better. They alienate half their audience before the first chapter’s done. I’ve sat in lectures where the “expert” spewed highbrow nonsense, and I’ve watched attendees doodle in their notebooks like bored schoolkids—only to gush afterward about the “wonderful insights” they clearly didn’t understand. Maddening.

Here’s the truth: Not everyone resonates with la-la-land, woo-woo energy talk. Plenty of people need a more practical, grounded, and science-aligned explanation of the chakras. They need tools they can actually use—not abstract philosophies to ponder.

Let me tell you about one particular “expert” I met in person. I won’t name names, but suffice it to say, she was a big deal in the metaphysical world, specifically in the subject of chakras. During our brief encounter, I watched her dismiss a restaurant server with a flick of her wrist—the kind of gesture you’d expect from royalty…or a spoiled brat. Later, during her lecture, she began nearly every sentence with “I.” Yes, I kept track.

So here I am, the quiet little voice in the corner, screaming into the void. Chakras aren’t some unattainable mystery. They’re part of you, accessible and understandable. My approach? Plain language, practical tools, and an emphasis on your inner wisdom. Because, guess what? You don’t need a guru to decode your own energy.

If you’ve ever felt lost in the jargon or dismissed because you don’t speak “sacred text,” know this: There’s a simpler way. A way that doesn’t require you to abandon your logic or bow at the altar of “expertise.”

So, let’s cut through the crap. Let’s make chakras practical, accessible, and most importantly, yours.

Lesson

“Your chakras are just a bunch of bundles of nerves.”

Wait, whaaaaat?!

When one of my yoga teacher training students muttered this, half under her breath, between sun salutations cues, I stopped mid-upward-facing dog and stood up and applauded.

It was the most brilliant and simple definition of the chakras I had ever heard.

Nowadays, there are energy “experts” proclaiming that there are 10, or 13, or even 21 chakras, new ones emerging as the universal energy of the human species is up-leveling.

The truth is more that you have 72 million chakras in your system. (maybe these “experts” are just a little slow to see them all)

A chakra is simply an intersection of nerves on your nervous system.

Every time a nerve line crosses another nerve line, there is a chakra.

The 7 major chakras are the biggest intersections of nerve pathways along your spinal cord.

Let’s use a simple electrical analogy.

If your body is a lamp:

The wiring of the lamp are your nerve pathways.
The lightbulbs are the chakras (every intersection of nerve paths).
The light emitting from the lamp is your aura.

Just like a lamp, if the light switch is OFF (such as a closed chakra) then there is no electricity, no light. aka….DEAD.

So duh, there is no such thing as an open or closed chakra. Even people who have had spinal cord injuries and don’t feel sensation from the waist down have nervous system function and electrical impulses and messages transmitting through their legs. It may be “dimmer” than that of an Olympic track athlete, but it is still ON and very much alive.

Now, just like a lamp, your chakras have a dimmer switch. Sometimes you need brighter and stronger “lights”, and sometimes you need dimmer and softer lights. So your body adjusts. Your chakras manage that adjustment.

For example, the root chakra, which lives at the base of your spine, controls the energy moving through your legs and feet (the roots of your body). Your legs and feet are about your ability to stand your ground, feel safe, and be stable in your world. Thus, your root chakra manages the messages and information running through your body about safety, security, foundation, stability, and structure.

If you are walking through a dark alley in a dangerous neighborhood, you need a heckuva lot more energy devoted to safety/security/foundation than if you are at home chilling with Netflix on a quiet Sunday afternoon.

Dark Alley = very active and alert root chakra
Home Netflixing = very quiet and chill root chakra

The same kind of balance happens for each of the 7 major chakras, but that’s the topic for next week.

Homework

After years of rolling my eyes at the so-called chakra “experts,” I created a workshop where we strip away all the over-complicated jargon and mystical nonsense. This isn’t about memorizing ancient texts or pretending to be enlightened—it’s about understanding how your energy actually works, in a way that makes sense and fits into real life.

In this masterclass, available to paid subscribers, I’ll show you:

• How your chakras function, explained like 5th-grade science (because it really is that simple).

• A 30-second, 3-step trick to align your energy—no crystals, no chanting.

• The fastest way I know to calm anxiety and shut down overthinking.

This isn’t about me telling you what to do or selling you a miracle. It’s about helping you connect the dots for yourself. If that sounds good, let’s do this together.

The Creator Retreat

If you’re craving more than quick fixes and want to truly balance your energy (without ever hearing the word “chakra”), check out The Creator Retreat. Over 9 months, we’ll explore how to regulate your nervous system (your chakra system), calm your inner chaos, and reconnect with your creative flow—all in ways that feel simple, grounded, and entirely you. No jargon, no fluff, just tools to help you show up as your most aligned, authentic self.